CELEBRITIES TALKING IN ALL CAPS

GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE! WOULD YOU PLEASE BRING YOUR USELESS...

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 13:51:00 -0400

GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE! WOULD YOU PLEASE BRING YOUR USELESS YIPPING TO A CLOSE?

SHUT UP, LISTEN TO ME, AND SHUT UP.

THESE ARE THE SECRETS TO A LONG AND FRUITFUL LIFE.

MY NAME IS MARLON BRANDO. YOUR INADEQUACY FILLS ME WITH JOY.

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 23:59:15 -0400

MY NAME IS MARLON BRANDO. YOUR INADEQUACY FILLS ME WITH JOY.

PEOPLE OFTEN SAY THAT THE SCIENCE FICTION GENRE IS A PURELY...

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 23:55:54 -0400

PEOPLE OFTEN SAY THAT THE SCIENCE FICTION GENRE IS A PURELY WHITE SECT OF THE FILMMAKING ARENA.

AND I’M LIKE, “Y’ALL BITCHES CRAZY. THAT’S ALL I’VE BEEN DOIN SINCE 1996!”

I CERTAINLY WOULD NOT CALL THE EMOTION WHICH OCCURS UPON MY...

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 22:21:00 -0400

I CERTAINLY WOULD NOT CALL THE EMOTION WHICH OCCURS UPON MY SIGHTING YOU “AMUSEMENT.”

HOWEVER, I DO FEEL THAT YOUR VISAGE IS QUITE HUMOROUS AND THAT, IN SPITE OF YOUR EXHAUSTIVE ATTEMPTS AT BEING BLITHE AND BECOMING, YOU ARE SIMPLY INEPT… AT LIVING.

HELLO, MADAM. IS YOUR NAME ELIZABETH TAYLOR? OH, THANK GOD.

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 22:18:08 -0400

HELLO, MADAM. IS YOUR NAME ELIZABETH TAYLOR?

OH, THANK GOD.

HELLO MY DEAR! IS YOUR NAME RICHARD BURTON? THEN KINDLY GET THE...

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 22:16:44 -0400

HELLO MY DEAR! IS YOUR NAME RICHARD BURTON?

THEN KINDLY GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT.

OH, WERE YOU SPEAKING TO ME? I COULDN’T HERE YOU OVER THE...

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 02:04:13 -0400

OH, WERE YOU SPEAKING TO ME? I COULDN’T HERE YOU OVER THE ABSOLUTE IRRELEVANCE OF THE CONVERSATION YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO START.

SOME SAY MY VOICE HAS THE POWER TO SOOTH A LION WITH A...

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 01:57:51 -0400

SOME SAY MY VOICE HAS THE POWER TO SOOTH A LION WITH A TOOTHACHE. SOME SAY MY VOICE WAS ESSENTIAL TO DISPLACING SEVERAL REMAINING RACIAL DISPARITIES IN AMERICA. SOME SAY MY VOICE COULD BEAT A LOCOMOTIVE AND JOHN HENRY IN A RACE TO MINE A MOUNTAIN. AND SOME SAY THAT GOD SACRIFICED TWO THINGS FOR THIS EARTH: HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, JESUS CHRIST, AND HIS VOICE, WHICH NOW RESIDES IN ME.

THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I AM STILL BEING TYPECAST AS THE WISE, ELDERLY, SOMEWHAT OUT-OF-TOUCH BLACK MAN IN EVERY FILM I’VE BEEN IN FOR THE PAST DECADE. SO FUCK Y’ALL.

AND THEY WERE LIKE, “I’VE SEEN THAT FACE...

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 22:39:53 -0400

AND THEY WERE LIKE, “I’VE SEEN THAT FACE BEFORE.” AND I WAS LIKE, “THIS FACE?” AND THEY WERE LIKE, “YEAH!”

AND I WAS LIKE, “IT BELONGS TO MY BROTHER.”